It has taken me many years to get to where I am today, doing what I am passionate about!
For me it has always been producing and hosting my own local television show.
I have not been on television in over a decade. Life situations got in the way, pregnancy- marriages-divorces- countless jobs-depression-therapists-being homeless- death-cancer-etc…
It took several years for me to remember when I was at my peak of being fulfilled and joyful.
It has always been during the Safety Girl years, way back when I was in my early twenties- a local public access T.V. show I created to empower women’s sexuality. I was a sex positive advocate and was on the cutting edge of sex and censorship in my community. The show had a life of its own, and had an underground cult following. More about it here:
Coming back to television is scary for me; it is not the same as the first time around.
I've lost some of my idealistic innocence. I am not 120 pounds anymore. I am older, and have more life experiences in the form of facial aging. I am nervous that I will let my audience down. But this is just one side. The other side of me is excited, more confident than in my twenties, more grounded, a warrior princess attitude against injustice, domestic violence, and media imposed beauty.
On the outside I am twice divorced, mom of a 21 year old and a 3 year old, living a gypsies life, 20 +lbs overweight, insecure, no medical insurance nor financially stable. Several men if you want to call them “men” absolutely despise me. On the outside I am a failure-
Safety Girl, my alter ego was none of the above. She was my own self imposed super hero. I ran away from her for over a decade, tried to cover up her existence by burying her in my past. With the support of my 2nd husband- we buried my alter ego and painted a new picture of “how” I should be.
I would be a housewife- a stay at home mom- my priorities were listed in order of importance :
- #1 keep the house spic and span,
- #2 take care of baby, and if I had time…
- #3 care for myself.
Well, guess what…
I’m back to being #1 again and it’s none of my business what anyone's opinion is of me.
All I know for sure is that I am exactly where I need to be. I am supporting my local community, and sharing what I have learned so far on my journey living in the present.
My life situations brought me full circle to doing what I am most passionate about. I have no idea how I will support myself- but I do know this is exactly where I should be.
This time around, I am less ego, more present, wiser, more sincere and empathetic- brutally honest- and on a mission to be a better person. This is what you can expect on my television show come this fall!
My question for you, my wee number of readers...
What is it that you are most passionate about???
Are you doing it?
If not, what is stopping you?