My skin crawls...as an inner Battle takes place. Who am I? This is not me!
An inner demon takes up residence in my body and mind. It lashes out at those I love- It makes me doubt the good in myself. It reins negativity from all directions of the world and swallows me up whole. I am it's captive. It leads me into a dark and horrid prison somewhere in my mind and body.
I've lost once again. I let it take me once again. I hate myself for being weak during my monthly cycle. I hate how every month I tell myself, "this month I will not let PMS win!"
Well... I may have had a few setbacks this month, but for the first time in this life, I finally can say no matter how awful I acted August 4th during PMS, I have no regrets, no apologias, and no tears. For the first time I was able to observe my body and mind from a higher perspective. I was able to comprehend that "THIS" is not me- in addition to being a hormonal chemical imbalance, there is another from of severe PMS. It is a symptom of the "Collective Female Pain-Body".
Thank you, thank you to a man, one man, the only man I have ever not wanted to scream at or throw something at during PMS! I am thanking Eckhart Tolle- spiritual teacher and author who accurately describes, empathizes with, and supports us females who experience the more severe forms of PMS.
As the cramps started to pulsate in my lower abdomen, I reached page 166 in his book, "The Power of Now." Titled: "Dissolving the Collective Female Pain-Body."
Tolle describes why some women have more severe PMS than others- Its a residual physical and emotional effect brought on by our past, all the way from child hood. The past injustices experienced in our current life time creep back every month during our inner cycles. This makes perfect sense to me, as I am one of those women who had my innocence taken from me at the age of five years old.
But wait, there's more...
Another kind of Pain, a collective source from thousands of years of torture, murder, disease and cruelty, against women and witnessed by our sisters.... takes up residence in some of our bodies during our monthly cycles.
The most reassuring part on Page 166 is hearing Tolle tell me that no matter how unconscious a women may be, no matter how much she identifies with her pain-body, no matter how passive or active her pain-body is.... she may be "potentially closer to enlightenment" over her neighbors.
Please, if you happen to relate... pick up a copy and flip right to page 166-172. It will save your sanity!
Trouble Maker get's recognized. - Photos Courtesy of CTN Jesse, my little princess and I sat in the front row at CTN's Volunteer Producer Recognition event last month. We knew we had won i...
5 years ago