Women blog

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

An Unexpected Halloween Treat!

This Halloween I had the distinct pleasure to take my 2 ½ year old daughter Trick or Treating! She was a hot pink and black spotted cat and I was a hot granny! My 20 year old son, mom and great friend Jesse Sinatra accompanied her on this 1st Halloween outing.

What made this event so special to me was being there “In the present” for the entire evening! Unlike last year, in which I hid us from the spirit of Halloween. Thanksgiving and Christmas as well, were held hostage by my broken heart. I  had focused my attention on what we "didn’t have" that would make the holidays wonderful.

This Halloween I had no thoughts of  “mommy and daddy" should be here together.
I was living in the moment with my daughter and my family. The delight in her eyes receiving candy from happy neighbors, her genuine gratitude for those tasty treats was powerful enough to keep me grateful for what I have in my life.

This Halloween I learned that I CAN be a single mom again, and be at peace with it!
Ever since I had my son at the age of 17, my life’s dream was to find us a home with a “daddy.” I missed so much of his beautiful moments growing up because I was preoccupied with what we did not have in our life!
Jump forward 18 years later, I’m married and have a brand new baby girl- I’m 35 years old, and telling everyone how this time I’m doing it the “right way.” Well, guess what I learned this past year?

The only right way is right NOW, the present moment. Husbands, friends, neighbors, etc will most likely come and go in your life- cherish the moments you have with them, but don’t dwell on the fact you don’t have them in your life today.
Dwelling in what you don’t have is your ENEMY- it will invade your personal space and block the beauty of the present moment from you.
What I fortunately learned this past year was that even through great heartache, betrayal, deceit, rejection and loss, I can STILL be happy right now, this moment.

I no longer allow my mind to wander with endless hopes of being in love to the man I married, raising a beautiful family, and growing old together. So long you “Leave It to Beaver” happiness thieves!
I’m content and at peace TODAY. I’m a single mom, again 20 years later, and I LOVE it. I’m back where I started- at home with my mom, this time I love being here.

I’m living month to month and I don’t have an ounce of worry. I’m grateful for a second chance at learning what is most important in life.

A veil of expectations to arrive in my life in order to make me happy have been lifted. Happiness does not revolve around what I don’t have, it IS right now- living in my present moment, fully and appreciative of what is my life right now.


Karen said...

What a breath of fresh air to read post by a woman who realizes life for what it is. Good for you!

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